The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
