No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
