Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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