you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
