im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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