There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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