Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
