dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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