Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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