I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
