So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
