i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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