moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
