Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
