i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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