he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize