i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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