What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
