are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
