Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
