i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
