like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
