Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry about my life...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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