Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
