So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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