Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
