Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
