Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
