do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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