and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
