Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
