ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
