I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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