my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
