spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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