Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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