SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
