After last night, I could never be a politician.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
