im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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