You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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