I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
