I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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