I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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