I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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