you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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