We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
