I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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