i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
