Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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