First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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