What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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