When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
