i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
