Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
This girl is more easily done than said...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
