Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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