Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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