dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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