If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sponge bath it is.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
