This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
