The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
