I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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