There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How's work?
Spinning.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
