It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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