ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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