Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
