What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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