I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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