apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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