It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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