My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
