Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
