I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
