I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
