I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
