I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
soo... how was my night?
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