In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
